


Dr. Kindergarten Shaw

by HufflepuffLovesPizza



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: AmySarahRomCom, Dr. Shaw, F/F, Fluff, Kindergarten Cop Ripoff, Shahi as Schwarzenegger, Stuffed Animal Surgery, shoot week, shootweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 15:16:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11061684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HufflepuffLovesPizza/pseuds/HufflepuffLovesPizza
Summary: A short ripoff of a few scenes from Kindergarten Cop for Shoot Week.





	Dr. Kindergarten Shaw

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, it's still May 31st where I am, so I wanted to post one Shoot Week prompt. I wanted to write a Dr. Shaw thing for a Gryffindor Who Hates Pineapple Pizza, but uhhhhh wrote this instead. A ripoff of Kindergarten Cop, couldn’t resist pushing Schwarzenegger aside for Shaw. This is really rough, just wrote really really fast - so it's awfully messy and possibly completely incoherent. If it's too embarrassing, please someone tell me to take it down kindly or harshly :-) Sad to see Shoot Week 2017 end. Here's to Shoot Week 2018! :-) HUGE - THANK YOU and shout out to Ariyah for organizing the whole thing.

Primary Asset Shaw was not happy about her latest cover in hopes of saving a new irrelevant number. In fact, she was pretty pissed off, however there was a kid in trouble so she put her hatred aside and got herself ready for her class. Okay, maybe not entirely aside, but enough to get the job done. 

When Finch informed her she would be attending the Grace Hopper Elementary school as the nurse and also substitute kindergarten teacher, there was almost smoke coming out of her ears. She had already been in a grumpy mood this morning because she had woken up all tangled up with Root, they were both wrapped tightly around each other. Her stomach felt really weird just thinking about it. Six. Not that she wanted to count, it had been their sixth time together. Double the amount of her usual rule. She never went past three times with someone for the exact reason of waking up with someone’s thigh snuggly pressed up against an area you want something pressed up against. Plus, nobody ever stayed over, ever. The only reason the annoying hacker stayed over because they had been working a mission for the Machine for a solid 48 hours straight and she must have fallen asleep after the mind blowing sex to kick Root out. She also didn’t want to think how warm, soft and safe it felt waking up next to Root. Safe? This was worst than she expected or beyond her most bloodcurdling nightmares. Safe was not a word that needed to be associated with anybody or anything at any time for her. Root had looked so damn attractive this morning with messy bed hair and puffy eyes, however, she finally did throw her out; admittedly after a morning round. Well, that was the last time Shaw thought to herself, so she hoped the hacker enjoyed it. Damn, did this morning count as the seventh time she wondered to herself. 

Now here she was substitute teaching for a kindergarten class with a whole bunch of little stinky monsters, this was the worst mission yet. 

Just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, she heard a knock on the door and in came Root; dressed in a cute, demure flowered dress, nerdy glasses and an overall warm teachery look about her. 

“Howdy everybody,” Root beamed out cheerily to the classroom of preschoolers in a thick Texas accent, which caused Shaw to roll her eyes even harder than usual. She gave them all a big animated wave and some of the kids did a half interested wave in return. Shaw shook her head, so far she hadn’t gotten the little monsters to do anything. “I am Ms. Reed. I am taking care of Ms. Phoebe’s class today next door.”

The class then said mostly in a wobbly unison, “Hi, Ms. Reed.” 

Root giggled and gave the class a huge, heartwarming smile, “Thank you. Can we get a big welcome for Ms. Kimble?” Root came up next to Shaw and put her arm around her shoulder. 

The class was less than enthusiastic this time with a somber, “Hi…Ms. Kimble.” 

Root leaned and whispered to Shaw, “What the hell did you do to them? It’s only 8:27am.”

“They are little messy stinky monsters.” Shaw crossed her arms against her chest and glared at the class of children before her. 

A little girl wandered up to both of them, “I…I...I…” she looked up to both of the fake teachers.

Root bent down while Shaw still stood, so then she tugged on Shaw's arm to squat down so they could both be eye level with the little girl. 

“What is it sweetie?” Root asked an in a really sweet tone. 

Shaw eyed Root carefully, since when did Root like kids or get along with them? Although, admittedly she hadn’t seen Root with children, so maybe that was her own headcanon that the Analog Interface didn’t like or get along with kids. 

The little girl finally whispered out she had to go to the potty. 

“Sure, go ahead kid,” Shaw motioned for the little girl to leave the room. 

The little girl looked a little scared and lost. 

Root nudged Shaw with her arm, “Shaw, she might need help.” 

“Above my pay grade,” Shaw said back to Root, softly though so the little girl couldn’t hear. 

“I’ll take care of her,” Root took the little girl’s hand and started slowly, gently walking her towards the door of the classroom, they exited and Shaw followed them onto the hallway. Shaw then watched Root guide the little girl down the hallway towards the bathroom. “You know kindergarten is like the ocean, you don’t want to turn your back on it.”

Shaw huffed, “Don’t worry, they are okay. Everything is under control.”

After a mere few seconds, Shaw walked back into the classroom and it had erupted into full on complete mass chaos. 

“What the fu…geesh!” Shaw yelled and she immediately got super pissed. 

She looked over and some kids had taken paint buckets and were splashing and finger painting all over the chalkboard. One kid was walking on the piano keys of a nice piano in the corner of the classroom. Almost every kid was throwing toys across the room. A few boys were pulling a red wagon across the room and then they rammed into Shaw’s knee which toppled her over. There were kids in the sink filing up cups of water and throwing them everywhere. A boy was sitting near the personal cubby holes and eating everybody’s lunch. One particularly mean looking boy was pulling limbs off of stuffed animals, fur and stuffing flying everywhere. 

Finally, Shaw had enough and in her loudest (way too loud) voice she screamed, **“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”** She had veins popping out in her face. In all her dangerous missions around the world for the ISA and the Marines; nothing was as bad as this roomful of small hellions. Every single kid in the room froze. It was as if Shaw’s loud harsh demanding voice was a stun gun that froze time and movement. 

Then as if on cue, all the kid’s lips started quivering and their eyes watered. The whole room was on the verge of massive tears. Shaw was in hell. This was pure hell for her. She wanted to scream her lungs out and punch a dozen bad guys. 

Root walked back into the room carrying the little girl in her arms and a look of concern on her face with the state of what was going on. 

“Shaw, what’s going?” Root asked surveying the damage of the room and the flaring nostrils of her favorite co-worker.

“I don’t know what to do…I’m not good with kids.” Shaw said in a quiet tone, she didn’t make eye contact with Root. 

Root put down the little girl she was carrying and looked around the room at all the little upset faces. 

“I bet y’all didn’t know that Ms. Kimble is also a doctor.” Quite a few little heads popped up, some with interest and some with fear. Being a doctor was not as cool as crayon maker or dangerous like firefighter or fun as cookie maker; still Root’s announcement did get the kids to stop crying somewhat. “She’s a full fledged super doctor who fights diseases, saves lives and hands out candy bars after shots.” 

What kind of gibberish was Root spewing out to these kids, yet she did get the kids to stop crying.

Root looked over and saw a teddy bear with a lost limb on the floor among the big mess, thankfully his arm was close by. She picked them both up and took them over to small table. 

“Doctor, I think this bear might need surgery?” Root asked in a serious tone to Shaw. 

Shaw stared at Root like she was crazier than usual, then noticed all the kids were watching with wide eyes, quiet and very surprisingly patient. She sighed, walked over and looked at the stuffed bear as if examining a real patient. 

“I do recommend surgery. Immediately.” Shaw stared at Root who nudged her head and motioned with her eyes, “Get everything ready Ms. Reed.” Shaw then went over and washed her hands, putting on a full show for her audience of little monsters, it’s not like the teddy bear was going to get a disease but she was willing to bet despite the age of the kids, their parents watched ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and the kids would call her out on not following some procedures. Plus, getting these little stinky monsters to wash their hands was an ultimate goal. Some of them were really hygiene challenged. 

“Absolutely,” Root beamed out a warm smile to Shaw, her petite primary asset was very surprising at times and despite the grumpy exterior was much like a soft stuffed animal teddy bear in brief moments. “Is there a next of kin for this teddy bear?” Root then asked the students seriously. One little boy raised his hand and a slight look of worry on his face. He wandered over to Root, she made him fill out ‘insurance’ forms for his family member with crayons. Hey, these kids might as well start learning about the tedious side of the medical field. 

Root stood up, walked quickly over to the cabinet holding art supplies. She brought some essentials for stuffed teddy bear surgery, such as needles, sewing thread, yarn and some cotton balls for stuffing. 

“Everything is ready Doctor,” Root said as she laid out the supplies on the table. “You can call me Nurse Reed, Dr. Kimble.” 

Shaw squinted her eyes, of course Root would try and turn in this into some role playing exercise, which was pretty sure she would try and extend later after the mission too. Nope. That would make eight, not going to happen. Shaw didn’t care how elaborate the sexy doctor/patient scenario Root would set up. She went over and got on her knees since the table was so short, being a kid’s table and all. 

“Patient’s name Nurse Reed?” Shaw barked out to Root who smirked in return. 

“Mr. Bearstein, Doctor Kimble.” Root then asked with a fair amount of emotion for a stuffed animal getting a limb reattachment surgery. “Will he ever be able to use his arm again?”

Shaw wanted to roll her eyes, but she kept in check since all the kids were watching her like a hawk. 

“Yes, Nurse Reed. Mr. Bearsteain will recover all mobility in his arm after the surgery,” Shaw noticed the kids were hanging on her every word. “However, ONLY if he does his exercises from his prescribed physical therapy sessions, listens to his parents, eats his meals, takes his naps and in general listens to rules. If not, he will never be able to use his arm again.” Most of the little kid’s eyes were very wide hearing this information. “And in fact, his other arm might fall off from this trauma.” 

Almost every kid gasped in the room, they all had stunned faces. 

Root whispered to Shaw with a little bit of concern in her voice, “That might be too much.” 

“Nurse Reed, needle.” Root handed over a sewing needle to Shaw. “Thread stat. Preferably brown to match his fur.” Shaw watched Root go through a few spools of thread looking for brown. 

“Uh, what about orange?” Root asked with a scrunched up nose. 

“It will have to do, we don’t want him losing too much stuffing during the surgery,” Shaw in a deadpan tone, yet with some urgency to keep the kid’s short attention spans. 

Very quickly Dr. Shaw reattached the stuffed teddy bear’s arm and the class cheered. Root beamed a high wattage smile over at Shaw who only shrugged in return, just doing her job. Before they knew what has happening, all the kids formed a circle around them all wanting Dr. Kimble to examine their favorite stuffed animals and toys. At this point, Shaw looked over to Root with a menacing glare, who in return mouthed back to her, 'You are good with kids.'

They moved onto the next patient. 

“Doctor, what is the prognosis for this…uh, alien?” Root didn’t know what this stuffed animal was, it had one big eye and appeared to be one big belly thing. 

“It’s a minion not a alien!” A few kids yelled out at Root. 

Shaw used her stethoscope on the yellow thing wearing overalls. She had a super serious look on her face. 

“The alien is going into cardiac arrest.” 

“Minion,” Root corrected her as the child looked on with a shocked face. 

“Nurse Reed do we have a defibrillator?” asked Shaw quickly with intense eyes to Root. 

“Yes, doctor.” Root ran over to the chalk board and came back with two erasers. She handed them to Shaw. 

“Everybody stand back. We are going to send a shock of electric current to this yellow thing’s heart in hopes of starting it again. Got it?”

A lot of wide eyes and slowly nodding heads were all watching Shaw’s every move with complete attention. 

“Clear!” Shaw shouted before she placed the chalkboard erasers on the yellow thing’s belly. When she did place them on the stuffed animal she made sure to make a jerky hand movement to make it look like the stuffed animal had indeed just been given the spark of life. 

After several and many yelled repeats for more shocking by the kids, the yellow minion thing was okay and released to his guardian for bed rest. 

Next, up was a stuffed animal pig who Root informed Shaw was named Teddy, these kids and their names. 

“Doctor, Teddy was admitted for pain management for Dyskinesia.” Root could see Shaw’s annoyed face. 

Shaw thought to herself, what the hell Root? 

“He’s been stable since last night and responding to bolus injections.” Root smirked to Shaw who just rolled her eyes. 

Shaw refused to be stumped by what was probably a subplot from ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, that damn show. 

“Let’s use the intraspinal catheter, so he can have constant pain medication.” She squinted her eyes to Root her in return gave her a signature non-wink. So the pig was given a healing bandage wrapped around his leg as a compromise. 

“Aren’t you going to kiss it and make it better?” asked the little girl, pretty nicely to Dr. Shaw. 

“Kid, that’s what the bandage is for. And the medicine.” The medicine had been two small Lego pieces that were prescribed and administered by Nurse Root. 

The little girl kept looking up to Shaw while holding Teddy the pig stuffed animal, so she rolled her eyes and bent down and gave a quick kiss on the pig’s head. 

Shaw saw lots more patients immediately. She saw several cases of detached limbs, so there were lots of surgeries for limb re-enhancement with minimal stuffing loss. 

Root had to leave to go check on her room at some point, she said she would be back soon to check on them. 

As she examined one plastic tyrannosaurus rex, she called out he might be having breathing problems and that cardio pulmonary resuscitation was needed. 

“With this guy, this T-Rex needs to be careful because his jaw strength contains nearly 8,000 pounds of force.” The kids listened in rapture to Shaw. “Does anybody know what that means?”

One kid blurted out, “Is he as strong as ten elephants?”

Shaw shrugged, “Maybe, think of it like three cars landing on you. Splat and boom.” 

All the kids gasped, okay Shaw thought she might want to tone down some facts. She didn’t know if she had to come back tomorrow for her cover and didn’t want the little monsters to be terrified of her; or maybe that was a good course of action. 

“If a T-rex bit you, it would hurt huh?” one kid asked. 

“Yes, if a T-Rex bit you it would basically cause your bones to explode.” There were more gasps, Shaw got a little worried. “Uh, according to the Museum of Natural History. There are no T-Rex’s anymore, no one here is getting bit. Or exploding.” She said in her most soothing tone, which seemed to have a calming effect on the room. 

One of her next patient’s was a doll who’s name she was informed was Miss Kitty Fantastico, Shaw just shook her head. Miss Kitty Fantastico guardian was a real pill, overseeing her whole diagnosis and treatment with overzealous chatter. 

As the treatment was coming to a close for Miss Kitty Fantastico, "Where's Boo-Boo bunny?" asked the little girl as she looked up to Dr. Shaw with a sad face, then over to her doll. 

"What the hell is that?" asked a confused Dr. Shaw as she stared back at the injured kid. 

Root walked back into the classroom this time dressed as a real nurse, a time traveling nurse apparently as her outfit looked outdated by thirty years. She went over to the refrigerator near the sink in the room and pulled something out of the freezer. Nurse Root handed Dr. Shaw a small cloth shaped rabbit with a plastic frozen ice cube in the middle.

"Boo-Boo bunny doctor." Dr. Shaw rolled her eyes to Nurse Root.

"They skipped this silly ass procedure in medical school." The kid looked at her shocked by mention of a certain word.

Dr. Shaw then gently applied the Boo-Boo bunny to the skinned knee of Miss Kitty Fantastico. The kid started giggling glancing back and forth between Root and Shaw. 

“What’s so funny kid?” asked Shaw with a slightly grumpy face. 

“You said a bad word,” said the little girl shyly. 

“You have to be more specific kid.”

Root looked down at the kid and giggled along. “Was it the word for butt?”

“Don’t encourage this,” Shaw let out a big sigh to the one big kid and the one little kid. 

Shaw wondered who was watching over Root’s class now, yet she was kind of relieved to see the hacker again. 

“Root what are you doing here? You look like Nurse Ratched,” Shaw noticed a slight frown on Root’s face and the hat, well she had no words for the old fashioned nurse’s hat she was wearing. 

“My class is taking a nap; my assistant is watching over them.” Root then removed her old school’s nurse’s hat from her ensemble, she then swept up her hair in a ponytail.

How in the hell did Root have an assistant Shaw wondered? 

“So we are almost done here, hopefully none of the stuffed animals need colonoscopies or MRIs,” Shaw deadpanned while glancing over to Root in her ridiculous nurse’s outfit again. And a few more times. Okay, so maybe eight would be it. Stop with an even number instead of an odd number Shaw thought, plus, Root had gone to the trouble to find this old timey nurse’s outfit. 

When Shaw decided she could no longer do any more ‘surgeries’ she also decided to see if she could handle the kids on her own now. Because if she was seriously thinking of the eighth time with Root, then maybe she needed to get far away from Root right now. Or number eight was going to happen in the car later before they even make it back to the subway. 

“We no longer need your assistance Ms. Reed, you can leave now,” Shaw squinted her eyes hard at Root then tilted her head for further added threatening effect. The hacker just smirked back. 

“Okay, then. Y’all don’t have too much fun without me,” Root said back in her slight Texas twang. 

As soon as Root left the room, one mouthy kid blurted out, “Ms. Reed is pretty. Not as pretty as my mom. But prettier than Mrs. Lancaster.” 

“Prettier than my mom,” said one girl as a thoughtful statement, like she had been dismissing her mother’s looks for some time now. 

“Ms. Reed is pretty pretty like sunshine, even if it makes your eyes hurt,” one little boy said, as if he was going to grow up and be a writer for greeting cards. 

Shaw rolled her eyes and let out a big huff, all the kids turned and stared at her. 

“Okay, let’s tell a story for nap time, now that we have all agreed Ms. Reed is pretty,” Shaw said gruffly. 

The class all ‘Ooooohhhhheeeeddd’ at the same time while letting out some loud giggles. 

Shaw looked beyond exasperated. “What?” she wanted to yell instead she used a slightly raised voice, then pointed at certain students that were show-offs and just general real loud mouthy kids. 

“You said Ms. Reed was pretty,” one kid giggled as he said this to Shaw. 

“You look at Ms. Reed like my dad looks at my mom sometimes,” one insightful little girl said. 

Then there were just random questions and statements being fired off in the room by all the young kids, much to Shaw’s discomfort and horror. 

“Are you married to Ms. Reed? Can teachers marry each other?”

“I think teachers can marry each other.”

“What about two ladies. Can they get married?”

“Of course they can. They just can’t have babies.”

“One needs a penis and one needs a vagina. They have two vaginas,” one kid with glasses said this, so it seemed more true coming from him. 

Shaw pinched the bridge of her nose and wanted to murder Root for entering her classroom at all. “My head hurts.”

“Maybe you have a tumor?” said the kid with glasses. 

“It’s NOT a tumor.” Shaw rolled her eyes and shook her head. That’s it. She was never having kids. 

“Will you and Ms. Reed have dogs and cats after you get married instead of kids? Maybe you can push them around in strollers.”

“Everyone take their freakin nap!” Shaw realized she said too forcibly and loudly. She looked around and saw some genuinely frightened little faces. “Uh, I meant…” Shaw made her voice very calm and a little octave higher, “…let’s read a story to get ready for our nap.” 

The little kid faces around the room still seemed a little upset, so Shaw let out a big sigh and knew she was going to regret the next thing out of her mouth, “I’ll go get Ms. Reed to help us with the story.” Shaw stood up to exit the room with the sound of small cheers and giggles. Shaw had a pretty good idea that Root had bribed all these kids to do all her flirting for her. She was definitely going to pay back the hacker in the most unpleasant way possible; if shooting was involved then so be it. Or biting. Or zip tying. 

Shaw walked across the hall and peeked into Root’s classroom, she realized how wrong that sounded in her head; Root’s classroom. She was pretty sure the parents of these kids would not be happy knowing a former killer for hire was teaching basic morals and alphabet songs to young impressionable minds. And she really hoped Root hadn’t already taught the kids some hacking skills. 

Root caught Shaw lurking in the window of her front classroom door and couldn’t help the big smile that spread across her face. Of course seeing the big smile, Shaw couldn’t help roll her eyes, even though a small part of her stomach betrayed her and felt like it dropped like riding a roller coaster ride. That damn airy feeling sometimes that popped up whenever Root was around, maybe she was allergic to the hacker. 

“Miss me already?” Root smiled to Shaw. 

“I don’t know what kind of candy pay day you’re paying those kids, but stop it,” Shaw said sternly. 

“What are you talking about?” asked Root while small smile tugged at her lips as she stared intensely into Shaw’s demanding eyes. 

“They keep talking about us getting married. Stop telling them to say that, I mean it,” Shaw moved closer to invade Root’s personal space in a menacing way, except the hacker just took it as a chance to deeply breathe in her favorite scent, petite primary asset. 

“Shaw, I’m not a kid whisperer. I don’t know what kind of impression you’re giving them to think we’re getting married…” Root tilted her head and bit her lip while staring at Shaw’s lips. 

“Root…” Shaw glared at Root and wanted to bite that damn lip of the hacker’s. Okay, so there would definitely have to be an eighth time just so Root could learn a lesson. “Just come over and tell the kids a story so they go to sleep so I can have ten peaceful seconds.”

Root smiled at Shaw as they walked back over to the other classroom. 

Later…finally…the perpetrator at the school, a disgruntled parent, was isolated and nobody got hurt; well, except Root got a graze on her shoulder. Damn it, Root. 

A few of the kids came up and hugged Shaw after school was over, she awkwardly reciprocated. 

Root then got up on the ‘patient operating’ table for Dr. Shaw to take a look at her shoulder. 

“Are you sure you don’t have a magnet in here?” Shaw ran her hands up Root’s arm to her shoulder. 

“Actually, Sameen, a magnet in there might deflect a bullet,” Root smirked at Shaw while running her eyes up and down the Primary Asset’s assets. “I could delve into a whole theory for you…or show you.” 

Shaw just glared at her while she finished patching up the grazed shoulder. 

“What no kiss?” Root looked up at Shaw with a twinkle in her eyes. “You kissed the pig.”

“Do you really want to make that comparison?”

Root thought this was possibly the funniest mission yet.


End file.
